The monkey and the crocodile..

Ever read the Panchatantra tale of the friendship between the monkey and the crocodile !? Back then it used to amuse me only on the grounds of the talking animals involved, the rose apples and ofcourse the name of the crocodile- Ugly Mug. I remember that my brother and I used to have a good laugh at that.

The reason that I write about my love for this story now is only because I have understood the moral of it. The monkey, an herbivore befriends a crocodile, its predator. Despite the obvious danger to the monkey, the friendship blossoms until one day out of his wife’s request the crocodile complies to her fancy of having a monkeys heart. The presence of mind of the monkey saves him but the moral remains- “You can’t change the inherent nature of a being”

The crocodile by its very virtue is a predator. The nature had made him a flesh eating being and the monkey one day was nothing but flesh to him. It doesn’t make the crocodile malevolent or the monkey dumb (maybe it makes the monkey a little dumb for being hopeful- I am still battling that perspective), it just transpires to what we call "Mother nature".

The analogy that I draw from this brilliant story is that you come across people who are like the crocodile and the monkey with each other. It takes a lot to accept the inherent nature of a being. To accept it as a part of him/her even though it is at conflicting ends with what you believe in, is a challenge. Generalizing the statement here, for a man it is mostly just about sex but for a woman it is hard to dissociate herself from the mental association to the physical intimacy- SHE mostly calls it making love. It doesn’t make the man a predator (in negative connotations), it just brings forth the fact how nature made him. It can also be like shopping for most women, a futile exercise as coined by most men.

If you are aware of the obvious repercussions of being with someone who is at conflicting ends with not just who you are but what you are, be prepared to let go and accept. The monkey in the end doesn’t shed a tear for the crocodile (however the crocodile does) for he realizes that the crocodile only conformed to how nature made him, what he is.

This post is inspired by my rendezvous with the crocodile. It made me think that each of us is a monkey and a crocodile to someone or the other. Rather than hoping (like the monkey) accept the monkeys and the crocodile as who they are, not what you want them to be..or even better watch from a distance, admire their existence and their contribution to the food chain

P.S : Some relationships are like fat people no matter what they never work out!

Reality bites..

“The sweet taste of the apple of the Eden,
Oh the vision of the eternal bliss broken
Should I have tasted the fruit that ended the ignorance !?
For reality is in stark contrast to the garden where I was born”

Escapism is a critical subject that invites mockery and insult. “You are an escapist” is not really a compliment or a no meaning laden sentence like “You are wearing red today”. We invite the momentary escape, into the world of music, movies, drugs and booze but if it is incessant and a way of life you are in for some serious damnation.

These days it’s just become far easier to seek comfort in the arms of the technologically engineered Garden of Eden. You put on a TV and vent your frustration watching other person’s misery on a reality show, you switch on the computer and chat, mail, connect and interact on social network with people and imagine a perfect Hindi cinema story, you have an iPod, FM, an mp3 etc and you imagine the clouds, the color ringlets, the stars, the all. You got DVD’s, CD’s and movie theaters are now mostly a place to make out or be among the crass crowd and cross out “5 eccentric things I did” from your “things I will do” list. We are so wired in, that the infinitesimally small bytes of reality..ummm well bites!

There are a significant number of people who don’t like the standard things they are given, the one thing that tops the list is a job. Most of us know what we don’t want to do. To the people who tell me that it’s a great feat knowing what you don’t want to do because it is half the battle won, well I call this half the Eden and the other half reality. They don’t balance each other at all. I call this state the Eden because it takes me an ample amount of effort to act, after knowing what I don’t want and I am content with hey I am half way there. Leaving the one thing that I don’t want and pursuing what I want takes a lot of effort. The logics call it weighing the things, the extremist call it cowardice, and I call it being the pendulum.

When you hit a certain age where it is expected out of you to grow out of the fairy tale of a knight in shining armor or the stud in the Porsche 911, reality dawns on you, the reality of being alone. Even God put Adam with Eve (yes the people who screwed it up for us mortals and resort to cheap thrills such as big boss and Monika Bedi’s unfortunate life) because he knew that no matter how much ignorance you are born with, or the indifference that you can beautifully execute, this probably will be something that you wont get over with. The feeling of wanting to have sex..I am kidding..companionship. So you go through the matrimonial dot coms, the “wanted fair tall thin educated” sections of adverts, in the hope of finding the prince charming. Fair and lovely picks up sales this time because they are your key to the dream.

Freezing certain moments in the camera, write what you feel, preserving the birthday cards, the video recordings of moments that felt great etc is something you go back to when you feel like. The time when you took a break from reality for a moment or for a while, and cribbed when it was time to go back. I like Karan Johars idea to make us feel better..kabhi khushi kabhi gum. Makes you appreciate the “Gum” because you believe that it makes you appreciate the “Khushi” more, escapism, illusion..call it all you want.

Holding on to the things that make you happy becomes a desperate attempt to stay wired in. As one grows older this feeling dawns on you even more strongly. You wish that Adam and Eve wouldn’t have screwed it up for you by eating that forbidden fruit (why the hell was it there anyway !?) and you type in the words hoping that this idea will turn out to be a brilliant write. Life is structured this way; you have to live your own. Where does the question of escapism arise anyway then !? You are after all living..you are just doing it your way.

P.S : ghar sajaane ka tasarvur toh bahut baad ka hai, pehle yeh tay ho ke iss ghar ko bachaaye kaise, koi apni hi nazar se toh hamey dekhega, ek katre ko samundar nazar aaye kaise..

Flashback..rantings and NOW!!

Flashback to a baby just born and I see her crying. The light that she witnesses for the first time pierces through her eyes and she looks for something familiar, someone to hold her like her own. My mom did I presume, because that’s the touch I would recognize anywhere and it gave me a meaning, my existence.

A couple of months down the line there is always a struggle to say the first words, to have the first walk and to smile in the company of the right one’s. I must have done that too, though I started talking so late that my parents feared I was dumb. I was the laughing stock of the house, the kid who never speaks, so my mom says, it was my aunt ( granny's age, then) who lived on the ground floor who used to say that she will speak making sense and will have a beautiful voice and that was the second most popular joke. Call it her foresight because like all normal children I did speak and like the gifted one’s I'm blessed with good vocals (as I free lance with All India Radio time and again) and I started to associate to things that sounded similar to me.

I was given a name amongst a lot of choices (and I am glad my father picked this one because it was the best among them) and my identity was given a push. Like perhaps a dog may not understand the relevance of Tommy until conditioned into believing it’s his name and he comes running to you happily knowing that he is being called. I was conditioned too and my name gave my existence the exclusivity, that’s what I believe. My nickname made me happier because the sound of it made me feel pampered.

Schooling was an attempt to stand out, academically or otherwise, because my parents in the audience would gleam with happiness saying “There she is”, looking at me on the stage. I was recognized as a good athlete and a good orator in school, until a time, it changed after a while( cuz of my super crazy self which hasn't left me til now) I was also the rebel in school, the naughtiest kid and then the loser on the first bench with no friends. I lived it all to look for the one world that truly reflected me and I found one. I also learnt a lot and it changed the “me” that I was, like the same learned friend puts it “learning is the fastest way to earn self respect”, I did quite a lot of that earning and learnt more about me.

And I am still learning. I learnt something valuable recently, that perhaps I am not some of the things that I firmly believed (or voiced) I was. I picked my friends (you can say vice versa too), I was given a family (a wonderful one at that), I was given an environment and I related to the things that got me closer to me. Why then was I choosing something that made me the person I fear being !? the one who would compromise on being herself and jeopardize and distort the world that is hers’!? One does do that, that’s when it is termed special in my case and such moments last for a special day, perhaps two or a bit more. My attempt to have someone in my world made me almost distort it. I have done that before and I was too scared to realize it back then. I learnt it after getting “the kick”, but this time I was made to realize by the one friend who played his part perfectly. That was a moment that enlightened me in many ways.

When you talk of individuality, you look for things that define you. It may be your family, your friends, the one you love, to a certain extent, but it is primarily the person they accept you as. You have a twisted world of your own and the people you choose or get are the people of YOUR world, accepting you in your crooked ways. Why then do we accommodate things in our world (or people) so they fit !? They can’t make your world any more special for the mere reason that they don’t accept you for the person you are. All my friends are different, I mean they aren’t alike. They represent the varied facets of my world and reflect that for me. I guess that’s why I look for immense space from them and maintain the bond over the years because I want to reflect the multi dimensions from time to time, not always. But over a few days (call it staying alone blues) I saw myself constantly being in touch with one facet of my world, reflecting on it and despite the much required break continuing to do so to the brink of accommodating it. Why !? I don’t know. But I am glad I was made to look into other things that would define me, that exist as synonyms in my life. I would always be in touch with that facet as it reflects the “me” that I want to be understood as, but then I have more to me so I should look at the other facets as well. (with an acceptance SMILE there!, I really have)

The reason for this post is perhaps hard to understand because it is something personal but I am adding this last paragraph to put the many above in concise. When you make friends, be with your family or rebel, your reason for doing so is that you value your existence. The things around you mirror you and you like it that way, you end your life when you realize you have accommodated things to such a degree that the mirror image isn’t yours’. If everything boils down to you then why compromise !? A friend in “love” with a guy I know makes innumerable efforts to fit into his world (and make him fit into hers), why !? If he is the man of her world he will reflect her. I know my friends do and I am happy that the things that exist in my world with the people, reflect me. The day it stops to happen my world will lose its meaning.Quite Literally.

P.S : hame gumaan bhi hai iss baat ka shayad, khayaal ko aapke ijazat ki zarurat nahi hoti..

Everybody wants to rule the world..

God created humans (biggest similarity, isn't it !?)

“The young blood rushed through his veins; in his pensive self he counted his agony and the solutions in the same breath. With his feisty self he clenched his fists and declared- One day..I shall rule the world”

I recon all of us saying this to ourselves or out loud once in our lives, the time when we were on the conquest of our world and sure of ruling it. The restlessness just builds on to you imploring you to walk the path. The path which will eventually declare you a hero in your own right, and even better in everyone else’s as well.

This is the time when someone requires guidance the most. However gusto you have, to walk that way, you need a signboard that points to that direction. I have come across so many people, who have the mix that makes me think this person is going places, what they lack is a direction. It’s like you have the ingredients ready in front of you in the exact amount but you don’t know how to cook.

really !?

This thought perhaps comes from my own state of mind these days. It is impossible for our breed to think we are made for the mundane stuff. Such is the surge to make a difference we find ourselves in scores of people who are screaming to be called different. Doesn’t this “similarity” give us an opportunity to unite and make a difference !? With such dynamic mindsets it is difficult to attain a state of similar interests, but perhaps that is not even required.

It is quite a sorry state frankly. With oodles of energy and no vent out, the fire just burns out. You are left reminiscing at your once exuberant youth and wonder “I was you a couple of years ago”. Yes I met someone who said this and it was pretty scary to find myself lash that sentence to someone who would come for the signboard and find a dead end.

It’s a phase..some tell me you will grow out of it. But do we need to !? Should we !? Can someone help me and the scores behind me with a sign board !?

P.S : mat pucho hadh unki ghustakhiyoon ki, voh aaiyna zameen par rakhkar aasmaan kuchal diya karte hain..

Simply not just music..

When all the elements mix up in the perfect proportion one gets the magical essence of what we can call heaven. For me, this effect is ringing in my ears with Rafi, S.D Burman and Majrooh Sultanpuri. And this takes me on a whirlwind ride where I am lost admist the notes and I feel elated with the euphoric feeling his voice evokes.

I was wondering about the stark contrast in terms of the musical eras, the sixties and the seventies were definitely for the die hard romantics, subtle yet articulate. There are so many songs that speak the exact words that one would feel from time to time. The hopeless lover serenading his lover and she can’t help but be coy and sheepishly smile, that’s the image I get. The seventies were more for the ones who looked at other aspects than love, the roti kapda makaan logic. The male was more of a chauvinist, a stark contrast to the blind in love man of the yesteryears who was the more expressive one. Songs were not about wooing the woman in focus and if it was it was demanding in nature, as if it was his right. Not quite like Rafi who would be humble. The 80’s and 90’s I believe was the hopeless era not just for the romantics of my kind but also music (obviously exceptions are always counted out). To put it crudely…it sucked! And most of the current lot continues this legacy. In terms of music and lyrics though, the songs are more about the “we” than the “I”. Nothing wrong in that ideology, except when I listen to a “Aise toh na dekho..” and a “khuda jaane kyun yeah hua hai”…I smile at the former and I feel like stretching my arms and dancing at latter, in other words..the feeling is communicated and transpired much better by the former..”Tum hume roko phir bhi hum na ruke..tum kaho kafir..phir bhi aiese jhukein…kadme nazu-k-e se sajda ada ho jaye.. :)”

My hangover because of the extra shots of songs sung by Rafi is quite evident. There is a song for every mood. Not quite like the usual sentence that we furnish these days, “Words can’t express what I want to communicate to you” doesn’t hold water here. The lyrics were brilliant and music was in tandem, and when you have singers like Mohd. Rafi, Kishore Kumar, Manna Dey, Lata Mangeshkar, Geeta dutt etc, you can put the soul in music. To me, listening to Rafi is like my hopeless romantic singing to me- “Mere mehboob tujhe meri mohabbat ki kasam…”, “jeeya oo..jeeya kuch boldo”, “Ehsaan tera hoga mujhpar..”, “dil ka bhawar kare pukar…” (gosh there are too many!), listening to him is like reiterating what I feel “Aaj mausam bada beiman hai…”, “yeh dil na hota bechara…”, “Pukarta chala hun mein…”. The wonderful part is it’s not just his voice; it’s the ambience that all the elements of the song create, make belief but so real. Nothing, no era beats it!....I am in love .. :)

P.S : "yeah mera apna tajurba hai, tumhe batla raha hoon main, koi labh choo gaya tha tabh ki ab tak gaa raha hoon main..bichadh kar yaar se kese raha jaaye bina tadpe, jo main khudh hi nahi samjha, vahi samjha raha hoon main"

And what is Love.. !?

Been through a plethora of romantic movies with over dramatic characters and also the movies which I think resemble my own story, been through texts and quotes and prose and poems that have made me think and reminisce some cherished times but at the end of it what is love !?

Love is kind, it doesn’t envy, it doesn’t pride..I forgot the rest of the text because it’s too good to be true. I may come across as a cynic here but I have started to believe love is a mere feeling of wanting companionship. It is a manner in which you associate yourself to a purpose. The purpose could be of pursuit, achievement, coming out stronger or perhaps just a shift from the monotony that you are living through. It is obvious that everyone has his own paradigms when it comes to defining the concept, some say it is fuck up of the mental anatomy while others say love is the best medicine (I heard it was laughter)

I have heard so much about love that I can’t concoct a definition of it from all that I have. It is also region specific. For instance, when I see Indians, I see them using this word more loosely than anyone ever can. “I love you” is more of an “I have now this part of my life figured out, what a relief and let me see what else I can do”. For those of you who have a habit of taking things personally, your definition is the right one and don’t bother to read on (again this is directed to us- Indians). What I gather from the “west” is a different picture. They say it as carefully as they can and it is a big deal. The incongruity here is that in both cases there are screw ups. Is screw up a part of it !? The romantics please suffice an answer that is not- it doesn’t matter, what matters is you felt it for someone.

In my experience I have never been in love !? I have thought that I am though, every time to maintain the sanctity of what I am feeling. To give the other person some respect as well. But every time I have used this sentence the prick has sunk in me as if I said it as loosely (I am as Indian as Indian can be). From pursuit to wanting a change, it has been all but never the right one !?

I guess you don’t need to know what it is. You don’t need to define it anyway, I mean for whom !? It is scary to some because it is so personal. Everyone I know wants to know what it is and some arrogant souls believe they know..helps them settle. But you know it is love only when you have the guts to ignore the chaos, the need to figure out things and be patient. Let it settle, and not settle with it. May love find all mankind..

P.S : It takes a lot of guts to stay patient, when all you can see is - nothing. Coinciding with the end does not always mean you have found the EXIT. It's all about one's perspective, hold on and don't give up - after all its hard to beat some one who never quits :)

The momentary lapse of the happily ever after..

Have you ever felt the need to meet someone you connect at all levels and leave the moment with the happy thought of its existence!? No bickering, no awkward silences, no escalated expectations..just a smile on the face. Imagine the first time you held hands, or the time when you coyishly put your hand around the shoulders of the girl you liked. The clumsiness that you portrayed seemed cute to her. The first romantic dance, the ridiculously romantic moment of chasing each other and falling down laughing or perhaps the “being pansy” in the eyes of your friends and saying I love you innumerable times. Sometimes I wish relationships were finite with all such moments collated together.

I for one do not know what love is, I am sure a lot of you will be all ready to jump the gun on my very convenient idea of it, but isn’t it supposed to be this way..convenient!? I have been on a movie watching spree this weekend with an overdose of romantic movies that are definitely not clichés. Take for instance, before sunrise…two people meet on a train, feel the obvious spark, roam around a town strange to them (it adds to the romance that the city is Vienna) and talk all night. The movie is primarily about their conversation (extremely interesting) and how they come in terms with the fact that this perhaps is the moment they should go back with and live to cherish, for the rest of their life. They meet 8 yrs after is a different story, but would it be too much of a gamble to let go of the one person you met by chance (or fate for the romantics), just so you can leave it with a smile on the face!?

I understand the need to have a fair share of sad moments, more so you appreciate the happy ones. If you keep having the happy ones with someone, you might get bored of that. But I guess you have enough moments of frustration on your platter, to incorporate the same in your love life. It is like the drum roll before the first kiss, it always excites you till you have had it and after the kiss, you crave for more and the more just kills it.

Alright let’s get inspired from another movie, what if you had the power to wipe out the part of the memory with your lover, once it started to deteriorate and start all over with the same person. Keep having the moments without the knowledge of having them again and again. Kind of an escapist attitude isn’t it!? But what the hell…the incredible invention of the freedom of thought saves the day for me.

For those who are appalled with every passing paragraph, a question. Would you cherish a moment more when you know it is forever or would you cherish it more if you know it is going to end..someday!? Three years of college, a significant amount of school life, twelve plus years of work ex or 40 days with the one you love. A happily ever after for me is more of a deterrent, than tears of happiness in my eyes.

So as long as I am not ready for the social (read acceptable) definition of love, the happily ever after, I long for the person who I connect with and who understands the same I do (who said I can’t be greedy) or a memory wipe out clinic and meeting him again with all the firsts..the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

You are as strong as you consider you are :)

Being alone is really healthy, its only on the full moon night you see no stars but the moon shine bright :) so don't worry if you are making waves simply by being yourself. The moon does it all the time. You are beautiful with your greatest imperfections, cuz the moon is still the greatest rock, calms us down and sooth-ens our eyes while gazing at it, whereas sun being the brightest rock yet no one can stare at it too long.
Be-you-tiful <3 and love yourself, unless you do, no one else ever will <3 :)

P.S : your scars are your souvenirs, be proud to have earned 'em :)